When I was about to become a parent, God knows how much I searched the Google for every parenting advise there is in the world.
Google away day and night to read on pregnancy issues, how to become a great parent (yes, before the child was even born) and what I am ought to do in order to become the perfect momma.
But the journey has been anything but perfect.
From sleepless nights to back breaking chores, hours of hospital visits and countless emergency leaves, the journey was complete chaos, but awesome in its own rights.
For a person who is never comfortable around children (note the present tense of my sentence), having your own child takes a lot, A LOT of patience and attitude from you. I never considered myself a child-friendly person, and I’ve always imagined a 10-yard perimeter around me on this criteria. On some occasions, I have resented some parents for becoming parents at the first place!!
Back then, the very famous question in my family was: How the h*** will you manage your own child then?
Well, there’s a vast difference between enjoying the company of other children and taking up the responsibility of your own flesh and blood, I used to say.
While I never tolerate the tantrums of majority children, to check and putting up with my child’s temper is a duty for me.
Or at least I hoped.
Truth be told, I still don’t have the traditional maternity bone in my physique, never mind the fact that I carried a human being in me for 9 months. I don’t love motherhood for all the hard chores and sacrifices, but I love the person whom I have become in the past couple of years. I don’t love the idea of being chucked at the backburner for being a mother, but I enjoy the attention I am able to give and get from my child. Yes, it does feel like being compressed in a pressure cooker sometimes, but I triumph gloriously over the whistle blows. I don’t let explode; I overcome the pressure.
If only reality is as easy as the emails we get from the support groups and forums.
Some may call it bias, others may think it is sheer hypocrisy, but I won’t lie. I still don’t enjoy the company of majority children with their antiques and tantrums, and the imaginary ring around me still exist. But I also realize that parenting doesn’t come to you naturally, or via books and emails from the well-meaning support groups. It is a process, a learning process that is, for you to learn, trip a few times over, get up, heaps of practice, trip and fall again, then get up, clean the messes and learn more.
They never end.
My little one watches CSI with me, and then I accompany him to watch Kungfu Panda, back to back shows.
Sometimes you learn from your child.
Some you teach them.
But mostly, just love them. Everything they are, whatever they do.Because they do just that, wholeheartedly, without judging you.